Shaken

Why is it that you can clearly see God at work in the lives of those around you, yet have a hard time pinpointing what He's doing in your own life? Why can life seem so cloudy or distracting? It's like a shaken up jar that should be clear, but it's muddy instead. My insides feel muddy.

I've come to realize how much of my identity and self-worth come from the approval of others through my involvement in ministry. Since stepping out of youth work and into the big city of Austin, everything within has been jarred. Doubts spin around in my mind. I question whether or not we made a mistake moving to Austin... maybe we misunderstood God? Maybe I don't really know when God's speaking to me rather than me speaking to me. Maybe I'm not as close to God as I thought. OR maybe I've let emotions rule my mind instead of God's Truth. Why is it so hard to take every thought captive... and actually filter out the thoughts that aren't from God?

This has been a good time of soul-searching... hard and lonely... yet good. I'm at a resting point in my journey with my King. I have finally been able to stop performing for others, because I have no audience here in Austin. I feel free to be me. I long to be more vulnerable and share my heart without fear of ridicule or judgement or disappointment. The only bad thing is I don't really know how to open up. I guess writing this is my first step.

God has been reminding me to find ALL of my worth from Him... alone... not what I do or say... but from my relationship with Him... period. He doesn't love me any more because of what I do. I'm already approved in His eyes and that's all that really matters. I desperately want to stop living with fear... in a bubble... to get the approval of my brothers and sisters in Christ. It doesn't matter what other people think! "Be the Orange!" was our saying with the 5th and 6th grade. It means to be different with a purpose. It's time for me to let go and pull down the screen that has been hidding my real heart. It's time to be free, well, to be me!

Naked Baby

So, Mikaela LOVES to be naked.

After bath time I normally let her run around in the nude. I'm not sure why this started, but she has so much fun running around without a care in the world, that I give in and let her do it. Normally her arms are raised up high in the air while she runs. It's pretty funny... until she pees. She's peed twice in her bathroom cabinet and several times on the floor.

Yesterday, Kevin went to get her after her nap and found her in somersalt position (head on the mattress while standing up) with no pants or diaper on. I guess she decided she didn't need them on anymore and tossed them out of her crib! Thank goodness she didn't have any poopies! BUT she did pee and of course that's where her head was on the mattress... that's my girl :)

I can't believe how fast time flies! The reason I haven't written a blog in several months is not due to lack of time or energy, but instead due to lack of words. My emotions are soaring in weird directions leaving me confused most of the time. I'm trying to be content. Really. I know we're here because God has placed us here and that's better than anyplace else we'd rather be. I don't regret leaving Temple, but I sure do miss it. It's lonely here. I feel out of place, like a visitor, in our apartment complex. How do I make this my home? How do I reach out to people I rarely see? I know God will open up doors. There's a reason why we're here... in these apartments... in this building... next to the people we're next to! I pray we don't miss opportunities because of fear. I guess this is the perfect time of year to "get to know" our neighbors. Everyone is a little more friendly during the holidays :) I pray for extra doses of boldness for the Waden family. Please pray with us!

Austin & a little more

We're in Austin! YAY!!

We're staying with the in-laws for this month. Our house sold rather quickly! We close on Thursday, so we've been busy packing up! We move into the apartment on October 5.

We haven't found a church home yet, so please pray for guidance. Our hearts are eager for corporate worship, fellowship, accountability, service, etc.

Mikaela is walking ALL over the place! Her steps are getting faster and faster! She'll be running before we know it :) We've been working on baby sign language and she has finally mastered "more", "all done", and "hungry". I'm not the best teacher, so that's probably why it has taken so long to learn! We also found out that she has egg allergies. If egg just touches her skin, she breaks out in a cluster of hives. Fortunately, she has refused to eat any egg! I pray she grows out of it! But for now, we have to keep a close eye on what she eats :)

I've been feeling MUCH better morning-sickness-wise. I still get bouts of nausea if I've gone too long without eating, but it sure beats feeling sick all day/all night long!

Kevin is now a waitor at a restaurant named Houston's. It's a VERY classy place with incredible food! He tried getting into the bartending scene, but couldn't get a good job without prior experience... and he didn't want to work at a club... so for now, he'll be working at Houston's. He really enjoys it :) His next step is police academy in February. Please pray for that as well :)

All in all, we're doing pretty good. God's been teaching me about His provision and care through Psalm 23. He's our Great Shepherd who will ALWAYS guide us, feed us, pick us up, protect us, give us rest and comfort! I love it!

Growth

We're heading to Austin! We've decided to move to a bigger city that's closer to family and has more to offer. We're not exactly sure why we've been asked to move other than God has something better for us in mind.

We like Temple. It's simple. Comfortable. Conservative. We know lots of people and lots of people know us. Yet, we fear that if we stay much longer we'll become too comfortable. Too sheltered. Maybe even too prideful. We need to be stretched and challenged and grown. So we find ourselves heading toward CHANGE. I don't like change. It's scary. It makes me uncomfortable. I fear the unknowns. I don't like leaving people. I don't like leaving the familiar. All of this makes me want to eat a lot of ice cream!

Despite all the fear and uneasiness, I KNOW change is good. I know we are going to grow like crazy spiritually. I know we are going to love it more than we thought possible. I know God has something great for us. He does. I know it. I can feel it deep within.

Another big change coming up is baby #2. We'll be having another baby at the of March...WOOHOO!! Mikaela is gonna be a big sister! We are beyond excited!

Roadmap...

Check out Mikaela's new "do"! Hehe, she's just so CUTE!!

God is SOOOOO good to us! He has been teaching us A TON about His never-ending, all-consuming, unconditional love for us. I LOVE His closeness! No matter where we are or what we're doing or how "involved in ministry" we are, His love for us NEVER changes. He can't love us any more or less because His love for us is simply perfect. It makes me sigh in relief! Seriously! We've been wresting with where God wants us and what exactly we were created to do for His Kingdom. It's tricky having a husband who is talented in LOTS of areas because so many options (career-wise/ministry-wise) look good or make sense. YET many times God asks us to do something that doesn't make ANY sense whatsoever. We believe our lives are heading through one of those times :) Please join us in prayer as we embark a new fun, exciting, and scary chapter in our lives. I'll explain more later :) Until then, much love to you!

Teeth & Food

So, Mikaela now has 3 top teeth coming in... all at once! Talk about painful! Someone told me that if adults went through the teething process as adults, we would literally go insane. Insane as in CRAZY. It's insane that Mikaela is not going insane. I'm not sure how babies do it! God's hand must be on them!

She hasn't been wanting to eat her baby food, so we're now eating table food... YAY! Several months ago I thought she wasn't going to be picky. Boy was I fooled :) Her face gets twisted and her nose curls up when food tastes different or the texture is a bit weird. This little one is SO much like her daddy! It's absolutely WONDERFUL!