Happy Valentine's Day my Love

You are the greatest gift God has given me!

I love you more than I thought I could possibly love someone.

You brighten my days.

You lead our family faithfully.

You are such a joy to be around.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." A.W. Tozer

I've been chewing on that for a couple weeks now and honestly I'm ashamed of the raw thoughts I've hidden deep within my heart. My view of the Creator of the world has been so casual, so simple, so not accurate. I've forgotten how HUGE and HOLY and BEYOND my understanding is our God. It doesn't matter that my mind can't fathom who God really is... all his glory and layers and power... because that just makes Him greater and more desirable. Looking at God in this light has given me more peace than I've had in a long time....

On January 31, Kevin and I were thrown a curve ball. He had his oral board interview (basically the last step before entering police academy) that day. We were beyond confident that he'd pass with flying colors. He came home devastated. There had been a discrepancy with the polygraph test prior to the interview and the board thought he was being dishonest so he was permenantely disqualified! It didn't matter whether he answered yes or no to the question, but the fact that he couldn't remember or was unsure about the answer made them question his honesty. One Officer (not a part of the board) said he was being too honest... trying too hard to answer with all sincerity. What a weird dilemna. So, where do we go from here?

Are we running from God? Are we following Jonah's footsteps and now stuck in a yucky fish? Is that why we've had so much uneasiness? Why has Kevin's pursuits of a normal/wordly job been unsuccessful?

Something clicked this week.

Kevin had been fighting the urge of becoming a junior high youth pastor for many years and for many valid reasons...fears... uncertainties. Yet, he's always been drawn to youth ministry. Working with students is one of his passions and he's VERY good at it. I've never seen anyone as gifted and fit for youth as Kevin. So through all this chaos, he's finally at a point where he can put aside the fears and start pursuing an occupation in full-time minstry. We're open to ANYTHING God has in store for us! It's funny how much more at peace I am, even though we're about to have a second daughter in 5 1/2 weeks, and we have NO IDEA where God's taking us!

BUT He is taking us somewhere... "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Mikaela Brooke Waden

I wanted to spend some time reflecting on my cute, little, almost 17 month old daughter, who we adoringly call Munch (short for Munchkin).

We are blessed to have her in our family. Her temperment is so sweet and easy-going! I believe she's had two temper-tantrums so far, and both were short-lived. Mikaela LOVES to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. Randomly throughout the day she'll run up and give me a hug and say "Ahhh". It's precious!

She loves music and has pretty good rhythm, which must come from Kevin! She'll stick out her bootie and bounce up and down... and sometimes she'll start twirling around. She's beginning to sing more often and has favorite songs :) Oh, and she LOVES Kevin's guitar!

If we could be outside all day long, Mikaela would be such a happy camper! She loves the outdoors! She asks many times throughout the day to go "bye-bye".

It's amazing how much she learns and how quickly she learns it. Her vocabulary is expanding a lot faster than I had imagined. She knows the words for ball, juice, book, mama, dada, dog, back, bye-bye, hello, amen, more, bath (except she doesn't pronounce the b, so it sounds like a bad word), banana, blue, cheese, duck... I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of them right now :) Because a lot of her words aren't clear yet, she's definitely getting more frustrated when we can't understand her! She's become my little helper :) She helps with laundry by putting clothes in the dryer and folding/matching socks. She's also pretty good at cleaning up. She enjoys putting things in baskets.

Mikaela is a goofball. She loves to laugh and make you laugh. She loves to run around and attempt to jump. She has a rocking chair that she stands on and jumps off. Her imagination is growing. She plays pretend by feeding her stuffed animals and giving them hugs and kisses. She loves her Dora tent and tunnel that she tackles. She loves to play with Kevin... probably more than anything! Oh, and she loves to color :)

Mikaela is a little giver. Everytime someone comes over she immediately finds something... anything... to give them. Even at the park she'll look for something to give... normally it's a piece of bark.

She's still a great sleeper! She goes to bed at 7:30pm and wakes up around 7:30am. During the day she has "quiet time" during the mid-morning for about an hour in her crib. And she naps from 1:30 till about 4pm. It's nice.

There's sooo much more I could write about Mikaela! She is growing like crazy and turning into such a beautiful girl. I couldn't ask for a better little Munch!

Shaken

Why is it that you can clearly see God at work in the lives of those around you, yet have a hard time pinpointing what He's doing in your own life? Why can life seem so cloudy or distracting? It's like a shaken up jar that should be clear, but it's muddy instead. My insides feel muddy.

I've come to realize how much of my identity and self-worth come from the approval of others through my involvement in ministry. Since stepping out of youth work and into the big city of Austin, everything within has been jarred. Doubts spin around in my mind. I question whether or not we made a mistake moving to Austin... maybe we misunderstood God? Maybe I don't really know when God's speaking to me rather than me speaking to me. Maybe I'm not as close to God as I thought. OR maybe I've let emotions rule my mind instead of God's Truth. Why is it so hard to take every thought captive... and actually filter out the thoughts that aren't from God?

This has been a good time of soul-searching... hard and lonely... yet good. I'm at a resting point in my journey with my King. I have finally been able to stop performing for others, because I have no audience here in Austin. I feel free to be me. I long to be more vulnerable and share my heart without fear of ridicule or judgement or disappointment. The only bad thing is I don't really know how to open up. I guess writing this is my first step.

God has been reminding me to find ALL of my worth from Him... alone... not what I do or say... but from my relationship with Him... period. He doesn't love me any more because of what I do. I'm already approved in His eyes and that's all that really matters. I desperately want to stop living with fear... in a bubble... to get the approval of my brothers and sisters in Christ. It doesn't matter what other people think! "Be the Orange!" was our saying with the 5th and 6th grade. It means to be different with a purpose. It's time for me to let go and pull down the screen that has been hidding my real heart. It's time to be free, well, to be me!

Naked Baby

So, Mikaela LOVES to be naked.

After bath time I normally let her run around in the nude. I'm not sure why this started, but she has so much fun running around without a care in the world, that I give in and let her do it. Normally her arms are raised up high in the air while she runs. It's pretty funny... until she pees. She's peed twice in her bathroom cabinet and several times on the floor.

Yesterday, Kevin went to get her after her nap and found her in somersalt position (head on the mattress while standing up) with no pants or diaper on. I guess she decided she didn't need them on anymore and tossed them out of her crib! Thank goodness she didn't have any poopies! BUT she did pee and of course that's where her head was on the mattress... that's my girl :)

I can't believe how fast time flies! The reason I haven't written a blog in several months is not due to lack of time or energy, but instead due to lack of words. My emotions are soaring in weird directions leaving me confused most of the time. I'm trying to be content. Really. I know we're here because God has placed us here and that's better than anyplace else we'd rather be. I don't regret leaving Temple, but I sure do miss it. It's lonely here. I feel out of place, like a visitor, in our apartment complex. How do I make this my home? How do I reach out to people I rarely see? I know God will open up doors. There's a reason why we're here... in these apartments... in this building... next to the people we're next to! I pray we don't miss opportunities because of fear. I guess this is the perfect time of year to "get to know" our neighbors. Everyone is a little more friendly during the holidays :) I pray for extra doses of boldness for the Waden family. Please pray with us!

Austin & a little more

We're in Austin! YAY!!

We're staying with the in-laws for this month. Our house sold rather quickly! We close on Thursday, so we've been busy packing up! We move into the apartment on October 5.

We haven't found a church home yet, so please pray for guidance. Our hearts are eager for corporate worship, fellowship, accountability, service, etc.

Mikaela is walking ALL over the place! Her steps are getting faster and faster! She'll be running before we know it :) We've been working on baby sign language and she has finally mastered "more", "all done", and "hungry". I'm not the best teacher, so that's probably why it has taken so long to learn! We also found out that she has egg allergies. If egg just touches her skin, she breaks out in a cluster of hives. Fortunately, she has refused to eat any egg! I pray she grows out of it! But for now, we have to keep a close eye on what she eats :)

I've been feeling MUCH better morning-sickness-wise. I still get bouts of nausea if I've gone too long without eating, but it sure beats feeling sick all day/all night long!

Kevin is now a waitor at a restaurant named Houston's. It's a VERY classy place with incredible food! He tried getting into the bartending scene, but couldn't get a good job without prior experience... and he didn't want to work at a club... so for now, he'll be working at Houston's. He really enjoys it :) His next step is police academy in February. Please pray for that as well :)

All in all, we're doing pretty good. God's been teaching me about His provision and care through Psalm 23. He's our Great Shepherd who will ALWAYS guide us, feed us, pick us up, protect us, give us rest and comfort! I love it!