ready to let go?

So, I've been thinking lately about going overseas and what that really entails. It means leaving A LOT behind. I honestly can't let myself really, deeply think about it because it makes my heart hurt and pound really hard. Yet, I want to write about it, so you could keep me and my little heart in prayer.

Family. Gosh, I love my extended family. I love, love, love them! I don't want to leave them. I don't want to take my kids away from their grandparents. Mikaela has such a close relationship with them. When she was a baby I prayed for a supernatural bond between them, and God answered that prayer completely. It's hard to picture life without them close by. And I can't imagine how hard this is on Kevin.

Friends. God has blessed us with some deep friendships. Our friends KNOW and LOVE us. It'll be hard for them to come visit. Australia is a long way away and expensive to get to!

Stuff. As silly as this may sound, it'll be hard leaving our belongings behind. I'm not really attached to any material thing we have, yet the thought of giving it all away makes me a little sad. Maybe it's just the memories behind the stuff. I don't know. God has definitely been refining me AND reminding me that NOTHING else matters apart from Him. Our stuff is just stuff. It'll burn one day. It's not important. More than anything, I think I'm reminding myself of that truth :)

Anways, I feel torn. I know we can't deny the call God has for us. We've tried and it left us feeling miserable. I know my God is bigger. I know I need to think Truth instead of feelings. Yet, this is stuff I need to sort through in my head and prepare for in my heart. Am I ready to let go? Yesterday I was. Today I'm not sure. I guess it's something only God can get me through! Thanks for listening :)

It's Time

Over three years ago we felt called to missions. We actually felt called a long time before that, but thought it would be when we were a lot older and wiser :) It was three years ago when we realized we could go now, at our present age, with our future family. We were stoked. We started the missionary canidate process through our old church in Temple. The process is pretty long and as time wore on different fears began to settle in. When Mikaela became a part of our family, we let fear hold us back. I became terrified of losing her. The mission field became a scary place... too scary to raise a family in... especially a little girl. I began to block the thought of missions. I got to the point where I didn't even want to talk about it. Everywhere we went people would ask us about it and I'd say, "Yeah, we're still interested, but this isn't the right time... blah, blah, blah." Around the same time, Kevin became fearful about his financial responsibility as the provider of our family. The main reason we moved to Austin was to find a better job for him. Well, that didn't work. And God brought us to Killeen instead. Anyways, fear is such an ugly thing. It seems so rational at the time. It makes you question the simplest things. It made us run from God. We ran hard. We isolated ourselves. We tried to fit in with this world by pursuing financial gain. Like I said earlier, it didn't work. God has a different plan for us. He has removed the fear in our hearts AND we're ready to go. We have a place in mind, but we're still praying through whether or not it's the right place. All I know is that God has given us a sweet burden for the lost world. We're getting ready. It's time. We've been well equipped at TBC. We're using our gifts here in Killeen to change this city. And shortly (in less than 2 years) we'll be headed out! YAY!!

Please pray for us!

1. Our hearts to be set free from ANY fears.
2. A deep love for the people/youth in Killeen.
3. Boldness and courage to befriend our neighbors.
4. More time for Kevin to disciple and evangelize.
5. Our future missionary destination.

Thank you!

Unspectaculars

I've been tagged to list 6 unspectacular things about myself from Dacia, a college friend was has been very dear to my heart. Here are the rules:1. Link to the person who tagged you 2. Mention the rules on your blog 3. List 6 unspectacular quirks 4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them on your post then commenting them to let them know "they're it!"

Okay, here goes...

1. I'm addicted to ice-cream. I have been all my life. I feel like I need a bowl each day. In order to gain more self-control with this issue, I have recently devised a plan. No sweets when Kevin is gone. I can only have them when he's home and when he scoops out the ice-cream for me. He's done well with limiting my addiction :)

2. I have NO skill in organization. Just about every closet... cabinet... drawer has not been organized (except for the kitchen, because my friend, Janice, came over and did it herself). I really don't like this about myself. I like things organized, yet the thought of actually trying to do it overwhelms me. Everything out in the open looks great and put-together, but it's a different story behind those closed doors. Oh, and I was a secretary for two years prior to becoming a SAHM :)

3. Sometimes I let Mikaela eat popcorn for breakfast.

4. I love flip-flops. I wear them ALL the time. It's a rarity to find me in normal shoes... other than when I'm jogging. My mom-in-law commented about my tanlined toes just the other day :)

5. I have a childish fear of ghosts... even though I KNOW they do NOT exist. It all started in elementary school and sometimes I just can't shake it off. Therefore, I do NOT watch ghost movies or even vampire movies.

6. Singing. I love to sing. I have a pretty voice, but I'm tone deaf. I seriously can't tell if I'm "on" or not. Yet, somehow, without any effort, I normally end up singing harmony. I don't really know how to do it... it just comes out as the harmony. So, if you ever hear me singing and think it sounds cool... don't be impressed... because more than likely I have no idea what I'm doing :)

Okay, now I tag...

Heather, my instant and life-long friend. She and her family are missionaries in Mexico. We love these guys so much. She's the type of mom I'm trying to become.
Mary, my soul friend. Her presence refreshes me. Her life reminds me to crawl into the arms of God.
Lindsey, my new friend. She and her husband work with the youth group at our church. She's witty and real. I know her younger siblings pretty well, so I feel like I know her from them :)
Kevin, my studly and godly husband. His passion for God is REAL and DEEP and CONTAGIOUS and sometimes it makes me nervous... all in a good way, of course ;) I can't imagine living life without him!
Rachel, my neighbor friend. I haved loved, loved, loved living near her. She brings much joy and makes me at ease living in Killeen.

two years of pure joy

Beloved Daughter,

You're 2 years old. You're such a joyful, bundle of energy! Your heart is so tender. You love to share, play, pretend, read, sing, dance, eat popsicles with daddy, color and paint, and play outside. You absolutely LOVE your daddy. You always want to be with him... in his lap or on his back or in his arms! You're very, very special. I'm very blessed to have you as my daughter.

Some of the phrases you say on a regular basis are:

"Juice truck please?" (Daddy asks if you wanna ride the juice truck)

"Check mailbox. Get shoes. Okay." (When you want to go check the mail)

"Baby Keeeeeira. So sweet." (When you give her hugs)

"Mikaela, Jesus loves me." (You actually call yourself Kaela)

"Shake your body like a crab." (From Dora the Explorer)

There are many, many things you say that are so adorable! You impress me each day with what you have learned. You know your ABC's and how to count to 14. You know a bunch of songs and make up some of your own. You know each title of your books and can recite most of the pages. When you see the Bible you start singing "Jesus loves me". You love watching the garbage man come, but get confused and call it a fire truck. You are precious! You love people. Grandma, Pa-Pops, Kitty, Uncle Jason, and little John are some of your favorite people to play with. You make Keira laugh and smile more than anyone else. I love you to the moon and back!

Love always,
Mommy

Mikaela at 2 years (almost)! Keira at 4 months!Such sweet sisters.

Mikaela can make Keira laugh more than anyone else.
Mikaela LOVES daddy's motorcycle.
My handsome hubby and his side-kick.
Seriously. She ALWAYS wants to be with him.
And me and little Keira.

Life Purpose

Over the past several months I've been trying to define my life purpose. I happen to be going through the book, Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow with some friends. One of the chapters this week is about finding your life purpose. Hmmm... I had been trying to figure that out! The words of Betty Scott Stam (I'm not sure who she is or her story) JUMPED out and REALLY tugged my heart, so I'm claiming them...

"Lord,
I give up ALL my own plans
and purposes,
ALL my own desires
and hopes,
and accept Your will for my life.

I give myself,
my life,
my family,
my all utterly to You
to be Yours forever.

Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit
Use me in Your best way,
send me anywhere,
work out Your whole will in my life
at ANY cost,
now and forever."

Every time I read those words, my heart starts pounding! This may or may not be my life purpose, but it's a start.

good. better? best!

This story came to mind while doing dishes the other night. It happened about 2 years ago. While we were working with 5th and 6th grade at church we decided to take one of the students out to eat. We'll call him Bob. Bob comes from a broken home in a run down neighborhood. He was one of our "challenging" kids, but we sure did enjoy him! Since he didn't go out to eat much, we wanted to treat him to some yummy food. We went to The Texas Roadhouse. We told him he could order ANYTHING he wanted. He sat there for awhile looking over the menu. We were excited to spoil him... to give him something special, out of the ordinary. When the waitor took our order, he happily ordered macaroni and cheese. We were floored. There was SO much he could have ordered, yet he stuck with macaroni and cheese. Something so simple. Part of us was disappointed. But Bob was not. He thoroughly enjoyed his macaroni.

We learned some things that day.

This is what Kevin learned... (written by Kevin)
We learned that when we get used to the ordinary and bland things, we don't have a taste for greatness. When we get used to asking God for normal and small things, we forget all that He has to offer. God wants to give us the world, and we can't even recognize it because we forget that God has great things in store for us. God wants to give us filet mignon, and we stick with the plain old mac and cheese.

On the flip-side this is what I learned....
Bob was content. Even though tempted with food of greater value, he went for something simple. Am I okay with mac and cheese? Or would I pout until I got something more expensive? Living in our culture today, we are constantly bombarded with the "need" for more and more and more. Greed is eating us up! When I start playing the comparison game and take my eyes off of what really matters (Jesus), I am NOT content. When I look at the lives of those around me, I begin to want what they have. I forget that God has given me EXACTLY what He wants me to have. He is my provider and has promised to always take care of me.

Anyways...
Needless to say, we are always learning more and more about God and His ways.