Diggin Deep

Sometimes I feel like I'm about to burst. So many thoughts floating in my head. Most of them seem like incomplete thoughts. So much to say, yet the words seem stuck in my throat. This happens when I don't journal regularly. And when I don't journal regularly that usually means I'm not spending an adequate time with God. Sure, I pray throughout the day, but my knees haven't hit the floor in awhile. I'm also reading my Bible, but I'm not devoting much time to study. I can easily use the excuse of motherhood zapping my time and energy, but truth be told, I have time and I have energy. I just use my time poorly. I'm writing this for some accountability. I have got to become totally and completely and wholeheartedly consumed with God. I've got to stop loving my sleep more than God. I've got to stop loving facebook and blog-reading more than God. I've got to stop loving books more than God. It's time to wake up, refocus, and dig deep. I invite you, beg you, to ask me regularly how I'm doing with God. Come on, let's get our act together and love our God well!

Oh no!

Hi. I think I'm going a little stir crazy. The girls have been sick, so we've been staying home as much as possible, and my adult time has been pretty much non-existent. Plus, Kevin has been working some doubles and studying for finals and preparing his talk for the Men's Retreat this weekend. I was looking forward to going to HEB this morning JUST so I could walk by some people and smile at a few :)

We went to the doctor yesterday. Keira just has a cold. Mikaela probably has one too, but that's the least of our concerns right now. Her breathing problems have come back. This time the doctor thinks it's asthma revealing its ugly head. She's back on breathing treatments (the inhaler with the face mask thingy) four times a day until her cough loosens up. She's also on prednisone and amoxicilion (not sure about the spelling, sorry).

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. Ultimately I trust God. I really do. I know nothing can happen to her without His okay. I also know what symptoms to look out for and how to somewhat treat them. Yet, I fear things getting out of my control and not knowing what to do, especially when Kevin's not home. I'm also wondering what else... if there's anything else... is wrong with her little body. And how bad are things going to get for her? How severe will the asthma be? What else will she have to stay away from? She already has to stay away from eggs (and anything made with them, like cookies, cake, etc.), peanuts, dogs and cats. How difficult is life going to be for her? Is all of this a result of something I did or didn't do while pregnant with her? How am I going to be okay/not freak out when we send her off to school or a friends house by herself... without being there to watch EVERYTHING she eats and listen to her breathing?! I guess I'll get stronger when that time comes. In the mean time I should probably pray for the type of mindset that can readily let go and trust, trust, trust God all the time! I don't want to be anxious. Please pray for me. Pray for Mikaela.

Hmmm... Really?!

We spent most of last week in Dallas at a conference called Acts29 Bootcamp. It was VERY eye-opening and gave us more direction about church-planting. Anyways, even though the conference was great and maybe even life-changing, this blog isn't about that. Instead, it's about our garbage can. We left it outside while we were gone and a day after we came back it went missing. It's hard to believe that someone would steal a garbage can. Although, we DO live in Killeen and weird things like that ocassionally happen :) After searching down the street, I called the City of Killeen Utilities services. They told me in order to get a new one free of charge I would need to call the Police Department and file a claim for my missing/stolen trash can. I asked in a jokingly/polite manner if she was serious. She was. So, I called the Police Department and told them about my missing trash can. When I was telling Kevin about it he asked if I dialed 911. Hehe, that would have been funny! Anyways, the police officer was rather serious about the incident. He gathered all the known information (it was there one day and gone the next) and filed a claim against the City of Killeen for my missing trash can. A new one was delivered today right before the garbage man came :) It's kinda nice having a brand new, non-stinky trash can.

A day & night at the hospital

We have crossed over into the category of parents with a child who was sent to the hospital. In a weird way, I feel like I've conquered something great. The experience was not great at all, but we all survived and have grown and now KNOW we can trust God in scary hospital business because we experienced Him firsthand! Let me tell you the story....

Last Tuesday morning at 5:30am Mikaela came into our room, so I picked her up and snuggled her under the covers. I asked if she was okay, but she didn't say anything. I put my arm around her and felt her heart pounding WAY harder than normal and her breathing was very shallow and rapid. At first I thought she had a nightmare because I think it's this age (2 yrs. old) when they start remembering them and getting scared. After 5 minutes of laying there and thinking what in the world could be the matter, I woke up Kevin. We sat her up and gave her some juice. That's when she started crying and clinging to us. At about 6:30am Kevin called the on-call nurse who told us to call Mikaela's doctor and leave a message or take her to the ER. He called the office, but they didn't have an answering machine, so he decided to take her to the ER in Temple.

When they got there, her oxygen level was at 75% (it should be at 100% for a child) and her heart rate was 210 (it should be in the 100's). The medical staff swung into action fast because she was NOT doing well at all! They stuck an IV to rehydrate her and gave her two breathing treatments right away. She had chest x-rays taken, lots of stethoscope listening, and swabs up her nose to collect mucous. The doctor concluded it was viral bronchiolitis. Although each virus tested came back negative. They put her on antibiotics and an inhaler. My "mother gut" still thinks it was an asthma attack. The symptoms and treatment are the same and considering her history of eczema and allergies, asthma seems to fit right in.

Anyways, Kevin stayed with her the whole time, minus about 20 minutes when he ran out to get us Taco Bell for dinner. He was AMAZING with her. I sure wish I had a dad as loving and attentive as he is to Mikaela... and Keira for that matter :) He held her for hours and sang to her. When it was bedtime, he pushed the extra bed right next to hers and sang some more while holding her hand and playing with her hair until she fell asleep. Their relationship deepened. I stayed home with Keira... and watched the election... and prayed for my friend, Rachel who was in labor :) Kevin brought her home a little before noon on Wednesday. It's been almost a week and nothing similar has happened... praise God!!!!!

I praise God for protecting Mikaela.

I praise God for giving us wisdom and peace.

I priase God for how much He loves Mikaela.

I praise God for knitting Mikaela together perfectly.

All her little "medical issues" aren't issues in His eyes.

I praise God for life!

Every Day Respect

Kevin

My Husband, a Gift from God

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I am honored to be Kevin's wife.

God has blessed the socks off of me by placing Kevin as the head of our household.

He not only understands his role, but takes it very seriously.

He leads us well.

I can go to him with TONS of questions, concerns, struggles, fears and he ALWAYS listens

and points me back to Jesus and His Word.

I have grown spiritually because he has invested in me.

He loves me unconditionally. And I can say that without question or hesitation.

He protects me with his words, his strength, his prayers.

I am safe with him.

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The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5...

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"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

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"And the wife must respect her husband."

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How do I respect Kevin? What does that mean exactly? What does that look like each and every day?

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*NOTICE Kevin. Make mention of him and the things he does... small and big things alike.

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*REGARD Kevin. Think positive thoughts about him. Care for him. Pay attention to him.

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*HONOR Kevin. Treat him like a King or famous person.

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*PREFER Kevin. Want to be with him more than anyone else or anything else.

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*ESTEEM Kevin. See him as valuable.

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*DEFER Kevin. Express my outward approval of him. Yield to his wishes.

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*LOVE Kevin. Unconditionally. All the time.

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*ADMIRE Kevin. Beyond the limit.

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Okay. That's what I found. What do you think?

ready to let go?

So, I've been thinking lately about going overseas and what that really entails. It means leaving A LOT behind. I honestly can't let myself really, deeply think about it because it makes my heart hurt and pound really hard. Yet, I want to write about it, so you could keep me and my little heart in prayer.

Family. Gosh, I love my extended family. I love, love, love them! I don't want to leave them. I don't want to take my kids away from their grandparents. Mikaela has such a close relationship with them. When she was a baby I prayed for a supernatural bond between them, and God answered that prayer completely. It's hard to picture life without them close by. And I can't imagine how hard this is on Kevin.

Friends. God has blessed us with some deep friendships. Our friends KNOW and LOVE us. It'll be hard for them to come visit. Australia is a long way away and expensive to get to!

Stuff. As silly as this may sound, it'll be hard leaving our belongings behind. I'm not really attached to any material thing we have, yet the thought of giving it all away makes me a little sad. Maybe it's just the memories behind the stuff. I don't know. God has definitely been refining me AND reminding me that NOTHING else matters apart from Him. Our stuff is just stuff. It'll burn one day. It's not important. More than anything, I think I'm reminding myself of that truth :)

Anways, I feel torn. I know we can't deny the call God has for us. We've tried and it left us feeling miserable. I know my God is bigger. I know I need to think Truth instead of feelings. Yet, this is stuff I need to sort through in my head and prepare for in my heart. Am I ready to let go? Yesterday I was. Today I'm not sure. I guess it's something only God can get me through! Thanks for listening :)

It's Time

Over three years ago we felt called to missions. We actually felt called a long time before that, but thought it would be when we were a lot older and wiser :) It was three years ago when we realized we could go now, at our present age, with our future family. We were stoked. We started the missionary canidate process through our old church in Temple. The process is pretty long and as time wore on different fears began to settle in. When Mikaela became a part of our family, we let fear hold us back. I became terrified of losing her. The mission field became a scary place... too scary to raise a family in... especially a little girl. I began to block the thought of missions. I got to the point where I didn't even want to talk about it. Everywhere we went people would ask us about it and I'd say, "Yeah, we're still interested, but this isn't the right time... blah, blah, blah." Around the same time, Kevin became fearful about his financial responsibility as the provider of our family. The main reason we moved to Austin was to find a better job for him. Well, that didn't work. And God brought us to Killeen instead. Anyways, fear is such an ugly thing. It seems so rational at the time. It makes you question the simplest things. It made us run from God. We ran hard. We isolated ourselves. We tried to fit in with this world by pursuing financial gain. Like I said earlier, it didn't work. God has a different plan for us. He has removed the fear in our hearts AND we're ready to go. We have a place in mind, but we're still praying through whether or not it's the right place. All I know is that God has given us a sweet burden for the lost world. We're getting ready. It's time. We've been well equipped at TBC. We're using our gifts here in Killeen to change this city. And shortly (in less than 2 years) we'll be headed out! YAY!!

Please pray for us!

1. Our hearts to be set free from ANY fears.
2. A deep love for the people/youth in Killeen.
3. Boldness and courage to befriend our neighbors.
4. More time for Kevin to disciple and evangelize.
5. Our future missionary destination.

Thank you!