I know most of you who read this like reading Laura's thoughts. Well today you are stuck with mine. Please give some feedback, as I really am struggling with direction in my life.
-Kevin
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done."
Matthew 16:24-27
If you were to ask the average American what does it mean to "gain the world," you would recieve an answer about money. For most people, having money is one of the most important things. Some will say, "Having money makes everything easier." Others will tell you, "Having money makes it easier to be happy." We have let the devil replace joy with money. We have let the devil put in our minds that how much money a man has determines his success in life. How sad is it that we have let ourselves be duped into thinking that life is about the magic dollar? What good is it if a man profits the world, but loses his soul? That being said, how much is enough, and how much is too much? These are questions I have been struggling with for a while now. I know that a big responsibility of mine, being the man of the house, is to provide financially for my family. But what does that really mean? By provide, does it simply mean that I have to make enough to pay the bills and that's it? The most frequent answer I get from people, is that it means I must earn enough income to fit the type of lifestyle I want for my family. I want my family to see that the most important thing in the world to me is my savior Jesus Christ, and to know that I am more than willing to give all I have for His glory. If I give everything, am I being irresponsible, or am I being to passionate about God, or am I making an excuse as to why we can't afford nice things? Why do we put ourselves and our "lifestyles" over the maker of the universe? That is something I will never understand. The problem with all this, is that I still have a family to provide for financially. I am really struggling with following my heart and gong into full-time ministry, or pursuing a job that will make enough money for me never to have to worry about the bills being paid. I want my girls to have a wonderful life, but does that have to mean that we have lots of money. It seems like all the "successfull" christians have big homes and nice cars. Why? How can they call that losing their lives for God? How is that denying yourself to take up your cross? Yet, we seem to not have a problem with "christians" who have lots of money. I spoke with my mentor the other day, who is a pastor and works oddjobs on his free time to make ends meat, and he talked about the sacrifice of the ministry. Deitrich Bonhoffer wrote a whole book on the cost of discipleship. From what I see in the Scripture, the cost of following God with everything you have is a lot less than the alternative. So what if I live in a house that has a leaky roof and a weird smell to it. If I am seeking Him with all my heart, isn't that all He wants? Isn't our whole purpose on Earth to bring glory to God? From what I see in the Bible, our sole meaning in life is to love God and love people. That's all he wants. Does that mean that we can't have money? Or that we shouldn't have money? Or that we should have just enough? What is just enough? Why can't I have more? Why do I want more? It's so that I can love me. And have the nice things that make me happy. Where in the Bible does it say anything about accruing wealth to make me happy? Everything I read says that the more money I spend on me and mine, the worse off I am. You might say, "But Kevin, isn't it once I'm in, I'm in?" Sure is. And if that's how you view God, I feel bad for you. "He will eward each person according to what he has done." If you spend your time making money for you, He will reward you accordingly. If you spend time bringing glory to His name, he will reward you beyond all you can imagine. Does this mean that we should all become priests and take a vow of poverty? I don't think so. So, I guess I'm back to square one. How much is enough? How much is too much? I just can't see being a millionaire and saying that I'm living wholeheartedly for the Lord. God, teach me Your ways! Whatever You would have me do, my answer is, "Yes Lord, walking in the way of your laws I wait for you. For Your name and Your renown are the desire of my heart."
