Oh no!

Hi. I think I'm going a little stir crazy. The girls have been sick, so we've been staying home as much as possible, and my adult time has been pretty much non-existent. Plus, Kevin has been working some doubles and studying for finals and preparing his talk for the Men's Retreat this weekend. I was looking forward to going to HEB this morning JUST so I could walk by some people and smile at a few :)

We went to the doctor yesterday. Keira just has a cold. Mikaela probably has one too, but that's the least of our concerns right now. Her breathing problems have come back. This time the doctor thinks it's asthma revealing its ugly head. She's back on breathing treatments (the inhaler with the face mask thingy) four times a day until her cough loosens up. She's also on prednisone and amoxicilion (not sure about the spelling, sorry).

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. Ultimately I trust God. I really do. I know nothing can happen to her without His okay. I also know what symptoms to look out for and how to somewhat treat them. Yet, I fear things getting out of my control and not knowing what to do, especially when Kevin's not home. I'm also wondering what else... if there's anything else... is wrong with her little body. And how bad are things going to get for her? How severe will the asthma be? What else will she have to stay away from? She already has to stay away from eggs (and anything made with them, like cookies, cake, etc.), peanuts, dogs and cats. How difficult is life going to be for her? Is all of this a result of something I did or didn't do while pregnant with her? How am I going to be okay/not freak out when we send her off to school or a friends house by herself... without being there to watch EVERYTHING she eats and listen to her breathing?! I guess I'll get stronger when that time comes. In the mean time I should probably pray for the type of mindset that can readily let go and trust, trust, trust God all the time! I don't want to be anxious. Please pray for me. Pray for Mikaela.

Hmmm... Really?!

We spent most of last week in Dallas at a conference called Acts29 Bootcamp. It was VERY eye-opening and gave us more direction about church-planting. Anyways, even though the conference was great and maybe even life-changing, this blog isn't about that. Instead, it's about our garbage can. We left it outside while we were gone and a day after we came back it went missing. It's hard to believe that someone would steal a garbage can. Although, we DO live in Killeen and weird things like that ocassionally happen :) After searching down the street, I called the City of Killeen Utilities services. They told me in order to get a new one free of charge I would need to call the Police Department and file a claim for my missing/stolen trash can. I asked in a jokingly/polite manner if she was serious. She was. So, I called the Police Department and told them about my missing trash can. When I was telling Kevin about it he asked if I dialed 911. Hehe, that would have been funny! Anyways, the police officer was rather serious about the incident. He gathered all the known information (it was there one day and gone the next) and filed a claim against the City of Killeen for my missing trash can. A new one was delivered today right before the garbage man came :) It's kinda nice having a brand new, non-stinky trash can.

A day & night at the hospital

We have crossed over into the category of parents with a child who was sent to the hospital. In a weird way, I feel like I've conquered something great. The experience was not great at all, but we all survived and have grown and now KNOW we can trust God in scary hospital business because we experienced Him firsthand! Let me tell you the story....

Last Tuesday morning at 5:30am Mikaela came into our room, so I picked her up and snuggled her under the covers. I asked if she was okay, but she didn't say anything. I put my arm around her and felt her heart pounding WAY harder than normal and her breathing was very shallow and rapid. At first I thought she had a nightmare because I think it's this age (2 yrs. old) when they start remembering them and getting scared. After 5 minutes of laying there and thinking what in the world could be the matter, I woke up Kevin. We sat her up and gave her some juice. That's when she started crying and clinging to us. At about 6:30am Kevin called the on-call nurse who told us to call Mikaela's doctor and leave a message or take her to the ER. He called the office, but they didn't have an answering machine, so he decided to take her to the ER in Temple.

When they got there, her oxygen level was at 75% (it should be at 100% for a child) and her heart rate was 210 (it should be in the 100's). The medical staff swung into action fast because she was NOT doing well at all! They stuck an IV to rehydrate her and gave her two breathing treatments right away. She had chest x-rays taken, lots of stethoscope listening, and swabs up her nose to collect mucous. The doctor concluded it was viral bronchiolitis. Although each virus tested came back negative. They put her on antibiotics and an inhaler. My "mother gut" still thinks it was an asthma attack. The symptoms and treatment are the same and considering her history of eczema and allergies, asthma seems to fit right in.

Anyways, Kevin stayed with her the whole time, minus about 20 minutes when he ran out to get us Taco Bell for dinner. He was AMAZING with her. I sure wish I had a dad as loving and attentive as he is to Mikaela... and Keira for that matter :) He held her for hours and sang to her. When it was bedtime, he pushed the extra bed right next to hers and sang some more while holding her hand and playing with her hair until she fell asleep. Their relationship deepened. I stayed home with Keira... and watched the election... and prayed for my friend, Rachel who was in labor :) Kevin brought her home a little before noon on Wednesday. It's been almost a week and nothing similar has happened... praise God!!!!!

I praise God for protecting Mikaela.

I praise God for giving us wisdom and peace.

I priase God for how much He loves Mikaela.

I praise God for knitting Mikaela together perfectly.

All her little "medical issues" aren't issues in His eyes.

I praise God for life!

Every Day Respect

Kevin

My Husband, a Gift from God

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I am honored to be Kevin's wife.

God has blessed the socks off of me by placing Kevin as the head of our household.

He not only understands his role, but takes it very seriously.

He leads us well.

I can go to him with TONS of questions, concerns, struggles, fears and he ALWAYS listens

and points me back to Jesus and His Word.

I have grown spiritually because he has invested in me.

He loves me unconditionally. And I can say that without question or hesitation.

He protects me with his words, his strength, his prayers.

I am safe with him.

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The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5...

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"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

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"And the wife must respect her husband."

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How do I respect Kevin? What does that mean exactly? What does that look like each and every day?

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*NOTICE Kevin. Make mention of him and the things he does... small and big things alike.

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*REGARD Kevin. Think positive thoughts about him. Care for him. Pay attention to him.

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*HONOR Kevin. Treat him like a King or famous person.

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*PREFER Kevin. Want to be with him more than anyone else or anything else.

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*ESTEEM Kevin. See him as valuable.

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*DEFER Kevin. Express my outward approval of him. Yield to his wishes.

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*LOVE Kevin. Unconditionally. All the time.

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*ADMIRE Kevin. Beyond the limit.

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Okay. That's what I found. What do you think?

ready to let go?

So, I've been thinking lately about going overseas and what that really entails. It means leaving A LOT behind. I honestly can't let myself really, deeply think about it because it makes my heart hurt and pound really hard. Yet, I want to write about it, so you could keep me and my little heart in prayer.

Family. Gosh, I love my extended family. I love, love, love them! I don't want to leave them. I don't want to take my kids away from their grandparents. Mikaela has such a close relationship with them. When she was a baby I prayed for a supernatural bond between them, and God answered that prayer completely. It's hard to picture life without them close by. And I can't imagine how hard this is on Kevin.

Friends. God has blessed us with some deep friendships. Our friends KNOW and LOVE us. It'll be hard for them to come visit. Australia is a long way away and expensive to get to!

Stuff. As silly as this may sound, it'll be hard leaving our belongings behind. I'm not really attached to any material thing we have, yet the thought of giving it all away makes me a little sad. Maybe it's just the memories behind the stuff. I don't know. God has definitely been refining me AND reminding me that NOTHING else matters apart from Him. Our stuff is just stuff. It'll burn one day. It's not important. More than anything, I think I'm reminding myself of that truth :)

Anways, I feel torn. I know we can't deny the call God has for us. We've tried and it left us feeling miserable. I know my God is bigger. I know I need to think Truth instead of feelings. Yet, this is stuff I need to sort through in my head and prepare for in my heart. Am I ready to let go? Yesterday I was. Today I'm not sure. I guess it's something only God can get me through! Thanks for listening :)

It's Time

Over three years ago we felt called to missions. We actually felt called a long time before that, but thought it would be when we were a lot older and wiser :) It was three years ago when we realized we could go now, at our present age, with our future family. We were stoked. We started the missionary canidate process through our old church in Temple. The process is pretty long and as time wore on different fears began to settle in. When Mikaela became a part of our family, we let fear hold us back. I became terrified of losing her. The mission field became a scary place... too scary to raise a family in... especially a little girl. I began to block the thought of missions. I got to the point where I didn't even want to talk about it. Everywhere we went people would ask us about it and I'd say, "Yeah, we're still interested, but this isn't the right time... blah, blah, blah." Around the same time, Kevin became fearful about his financial responsibility as the provider of our family. The main reason we moved to Austin was to find a better job for him. Well, that didn't work. And God brought us to Killeen instead. Anyways, fear is such an ugly thing. It seems so rational at the time. It makes you question the simplest things. It made us run from God. We ran hard. We isolated ourselves. We tried to fit in with this world by pursuing financial gain. Like I said earlier, it didn't work. God has a different plan for us. He has removed the fear in our hearts AND we're ready to go. We have a place in mind, but we're still praying through whether or not it's the right place. All I know is that God has given us a sweet burden for the lost world. We're getting ready. It's time. We've been well equipped at TBC. We're using our gifts here in Killeen to change this city. And shortly (in less than 2 years) we'll be headed out! YAY!!

Please pray for us!

1. Our hearts to be set free from ANY fears.
2. A deep love for the people/youth in Killeen.
3. Boldness and courage to befriend our neighbors.
4. More time for Kevin to disciple and evangelize.
5. Our future missionary destination.

Thank you!

Unspectaculars

I've been tagged to list 6 unspectacular things about myself from Dacia, a college friend was has been very dear to my heart. Here are the rules:1. Link to the person who tagged you 2. Mention the rules on your blog 3. List 6 unspectacular quirks 4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them on your post then commenting them to let them know "they're it!"

Okay, here goes...

1. I'm addicted to ice-cream. I have been all my life. I feel like I need a bowl each day. In order to gain more self-control with this issue, I have recently devised a plan. No sweets when Kevin is gone. I can only have them when he's home and when he scoops out the ice-cream for me. He's done well with limiting my addiction :)

2. I have NO skill in organization. Just about every closet... cabinet... drawer has not been organized (except for the kitchen, because my friend, Janice, came over and did it herself). I really don't like this about myself. I like things organized, yet the thought of actually trying to do it overwhelms me. Everything out in the open looks great and put-together, but it's a different story behind those closed doors. Oh, and I was a secretary for two years prior to becoming a SAHM :)

3. Sometimes I let Mikaela eat popcorn for breakfast.

4. I love flip-flops. I wear them ALL the time. It's a rarity to find me in normal shoes... other than when I'm jogging. My mom-in-law commented about my tanlined toes just the other day :)

5. I have a childish fear of ghosts... even though I KNOW they do NOT exist. It all started in elementary school and sometimes I just can't shake it off. Therefore, I do NOT watch ghost movies or even vampire movies.

6. Singing. I love to sing. I have a pretty voice, but I'm tone deaf. I seriously can't tell if I'm "on" or not. Yet, somehow, without any effort, I normally end up singing harmony. I don't really know how to do it... it just comes out as the harmony. So, if you ever hear me singing and think it sounds cool... don't be impressed... because more than likely I have no idea what I'm doing :)

Okay, now I tag...

Heather, my instant and life-long friend. She and her family are missionaries in Mexico. We love these guys so much. She's the type of mom I'm trying to become.
Mary, my soul friend. Her presence refreshes me. Her life reminds me to crawl into the arms of God.
Lindsey, my new friend. She and her husband work with the youth group at our church. She's witty and real. I know her younger siblings pretty well, so I feel like I know her from them :)
Kevin, my studly and godly husband. His passion for God is REAL and DEEP and CONTAGIOUS and sometimes it makes me nervous... all in a good way, of course ;) I can't imagine living life without him!
Rachel, my neighbor friend. I haved loved, loved, loved living near her. She brings much joy and makes me at ease living in Killeen.

two years of pure joy

Beloved Daughter,

You're 2 years old. You're such a joyful, bundle of energy! Your heart is so tender. You love to share, play, pretend, read, sing, dance, eat popsicles with daddy, color and paint, and play outside. You absolutely LOVE your daddy. You always want to be with him... in his lap or on his back or in his arms! You're very, very special. I'm very blessed to have you as my daughter.

Some of the phrases you say on a regular basis are:

"Juice truck please?" (Daddy asks if you wanna ride the juice truck)

"Check mailbox. Get shoes. Okay." (When you want to go check the mail)

"Baby Keeeeeira. So sweet." (When you give her hugs)

"Mikaela, Jesus loves me." (You actually call yourself Kaela)

"Shake your body like a crab." (From Dora the Explorer)

There are many, many things you say that are so adorable! You impress me each day with what you have learned. You know your ABC's and how to count to 14. You know a bunch of songs and make up some of your own. You know each title of your books and can recite most of the pages. When you see the Bible you start singing "Jesus loves me". You love watching the garbage man come, but get confused and call it a fire truck. You are precious! You love people. Grandma, Pa-Pops, Kitty, Uncle Jason, and little John are some of your favorite people to play with. You make Keira laugh and smile more than anyone else. I love you to the moon and back!

Love always,
Mommy

Mikaela at 2 years (almost)! Keira at 4 months!Such sweet sisters.

Mikaela can make Keira laugh more than anyone else.
Mikaela LOVES daddy's motorcycle.
My handsome hubby and his side-kick.
Seriously. She ALWAYS wants to be with him.
And me and little Keira.

Life Purpose

Over the past several months I've been trying to define my life purpose. I happen to be going through the book, Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow with some friends. One of the chapters this week is about finding your life purpose. Hmmm... I had been trying to figure that out! The words of Betty Scott Stam (I'm not sure who she is or her story) JUMPED out and REALLY tugged my heart, so I'm claiming them...

"Lord,
I give up ALL my own plans
and purposes,
ALL my own desires
and hopes,
and accept Your will for my life.

I give myself,
my life,
my family,
my all utterly to You
to be Yours forever.

Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit
Use me in Your best way,
send me anywhere,
work out Your whole will in my life
at ANY cost,
now and forever."

Every time I read those words, my heart starts pounding! This may or may not be my life purpose, but it's a start.

good. better? best!

This story came to mind while doing dishes the other night. It happened about 2 years ago. While we were working with 5th and 6th grade at church we decided to take one of the students out to eat. We'll call him Bob. Bob comes from a broken home in a run down neighborhood. He was one of our "challenging" kids, but we sure did enjoy him! Since he didn't go out to eat much, we wanted to treat him to some yummy food. We went to The Texas Roadhouse. We told him he could order ANYTHING he wanted. He sat there for awhile looking over the menu. We were excited to spoil him... to give him something special, out of the ordinary. When the waitor took our order, he happily ordered macaroni and cheese. We were floored. There was SO much he could have ordered, yet he stuck with macaroni and cheese. Something so simple. Part of us was disappointed. But Bob was not. He thoroughly enjoyed his macaroni.

We learned some things that day.

This is what Kevin learned... (written by Kevin)
We learned that when we get used to the ordinary and bland things, we don't have a taste for greatness. When we get used to asking God for normal and small things, we forget all that He has to offer. God wants to give us the world, and we can't even recognize it because we forget that God has great things in store for us. God wants to give us filet mignon, and we stick with the plain old mac and cheese.

On the flip-side this is what I learned....
Bob was content. Even though tempted with food of greater value, he went for something simple. Am I okay with mac and cheese? Or would I pout until I got something more expensive? Living in our culture today, we are constantly bombarded with the "need" for more and more and more. Greed is eating us up! When I start playing the comparison game and take my eyes off of what really matters (Jesus), I am NOT content. When I look at the lives of those around me, I begin to want what they have. I forget that God has given me EXACTLY what He wants me to have. He is my provider and has promised to always take care of me.

Anyways...
Needless to say, we are always learning more and more about God and His ways.

a little moment

This morning I was in the living room reading my Bible when out of Mikaela's room in such a sweet, gentle voice I could hear her sing... "Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so" over and over again. She was flipping through a book about Jesus. Now, her reading a book is nothing new. She does it every morning... afternoon... evening... and in between! But normally I hear things like "Swiper, NO swiping!" from Dora the Explorer. Anyways, the moment melted my heart. Thank you, Lord, for such sweet moments!!!

Flower Girl

Mikaela was a flower girl for Jesse & Tiffany's wedding on Friday. She was beautiful and did such a good job! We were so proud of our little girl. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy...

Kevin was a groomsman. If you look closely you can see him one head or two higher than the other guys... hehe!

Home in Killeen, Texas

Hi there!

We are in Killeen.

I've been wanting to write about our journey to Killeen, but I feel a little overwhelmed at the task of putting our journey into words that make sense!

We were in Temple. We loved it there, yet felt it was time to move away from the comforts of a small, safe town. So, we moved to Austin. We chose Austin because it was a familiar place to go since we both grew up there. We also liked the fact of being close to mom and pops. Unfortunately big doors were closed and we weren't sure what God was up to and how we should respond. We prayed... and prayed... and prayed. What do you do when plan A, B and C fall through... and you don't have a plan D? Go back to school :) We realized we were running away from the "plan" God has for us. Kevin was designed to work with youth. Anyone who knows him knows that! So, he's finishing up school at UMHB and more than likely going to seminary.

Why are we in Killeen? Well, God kinda forced us here. That might sound silly, but it's true. We didn't really want to be here. It's a rougher city... more diverse. Though we had been looking for more diversity, the thought of living in Killeen scared us. Anyways, there were no affordable homes in Belton... and the two we found fell through. Harker Heights was our next option... and again that fell through. So, Killeen was the next city on the map :) There are TONS of homes available because it's a military town. And the homes are fairly inexpensive! A big reason why we're here is because of the church we're attending. Grace Bible Church. It's a sister church of Temple Bible. We absolutely love it and realized the importance of being close to the church for outreach opportunities. We want our home to be a hang-out place for the youth. Therefore, we NEED to be close! We've been here for a week. I LOVE it! I love the house. I love the neighborhood. It's very diverse and that excites me! I feel like we're finally in the right place.

Family updates:

Kevin's a waitor at BJ's in Temple. He's also training in mixed martial arts, otherwise known as cage fighting. He hopes to have his first fight in September... yikes :) He'll start school in July.

Mikaela is almost 2 years old! She talks all the time :) She strings 2 or 3 words together, which is a lot of fun. She loves to play outside. She loves juice, fruit, cheese and Dora the Explorer. I have so much fun with her. She just lightens up our home :) Oh, and she can count to 10!

Keira is almost 3 months old! At her 2 month check-up she weighed 14 lbs. and was 24 inches long :) This girl definitely has her daddy's genes! She smiles ALL the time and tries to laugh too. She is sleeping through the night (about 12 hours), which is wonderful for us! When she cries it sounds like an eagle shrieking. It's short, loud bursts of noise. I can't help but laugh when she gets going :) Unfortunately, her "noise" scares Mikaela and sends her running in the opposite direction.

As sisters, they are very sweet with each other. Keira loves to watch and grin at Mikaela. Mikaela likes to hug, kiss and share things with Keira. I pray they have a lot of patience with each other!

Overall, we're adjusting well. We still have some unpacking to do, but we definitely feel at home... and for that I'm thankful :)

Chosen

Here's some of my story for those of you who haven't heard...

I am who I am because of Jesus. My heart has been safely held in the hands of my God. I am in love with the King of the Universe and because of that I am at rest.

My dad died when I was 13 months old. I am an only child. My mom raised me on her own. She was a very talented seamstress. From Kindergarten thru 8th grade I went to a Catholic school. I learned a lot about God. He was the Creator. He made everything and everyone. He had a Son named Jesus who came to earth and died on a cross. I believed this, yet I didn't understand why Jesus died on a cross. I didn't understand for a long time.

My mom was beautiful. She was from Guatemala. She lived a hard life. We were pretty close. After 8th grade we decided to leave Indiana and head to Texas. We craved something new... something different... something refreshing. So we packed our bags and drove to Austin. Once we got settled in, life became what it was in Indiana. Nothing had changed other than the scenery. Bummer. But then a neighbor invited us to her church, a non-denominational Bible church. That is when my journey really began.

The kids in the youth group were different. There was something about them that drew me in. They had peace and excitement. They genuinely cared about each other. They took me in and became my friends. I began really watching them and trying to figure out what was different and how I could be like them. A year or so went by. Then something clicked. I learned why Jesus died on the cross. He died for sin. My sin. Your sin. Sin (all the stuff we say, do or think that displeases God) is a barrier between us and God. Since God is holy and perfect, He can't be around sin... and we are full of it. Thankfully, God loves us so much that He came up with a remedy. The remedy was His Son, Jesus. Jesus had to die for our sin. Blood had to be shed. Jesus took ALL of our sin (past, present, and future) upon himself. And died. For me; because of me. For you; because of you. But three days later, He rose from the dead. He conquered death! He is now alive! Once I understood that, I became alive as well. I finally admitted that I was a sinner and needed to be saved because without Jesus I was going to Hell. I told God that I believed in Him and Jesus and wanted a close, intimate relationship with Him. I wanted to be a part of His family and He gladly took me in. I became is daughter. I was so excited.

A couple weeks later things got hard. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The doctor said it was terminal. I couldn't believe it. Why God? Why would you let this happen? Especially since I JUST became a part of your family! Aren't you suppose to keep us safe... and healthy? For two years my mom struggled with this horrible disease. I watched her body deteriorate. I watched her sink. She was alone. I wasn't really there for her. I was in high school and didn't know how to handle it well. She shed many lonesome tears. But God was there for her. He held her hand. He carried her when she couldn't walk anymore. He listened to her when she poured out her heart. He took her fears, her pain, her uncertainties. He did this because she was also His daughter. My mom enjoyed fellowship with God for 8 months before He took her home. She passed away one month before I graduated high school.

Fast forward 9 years and here I am now. I am a wife. I am a mother. God has given me an AMAZING husband and two BEAUTIFUL daughters. God has been faithful. He has taken good care of me. Looking back, I am reassured even more that God will continue to take care of us. He has our lives in complete control. I can rest. I can have peace. I can have joy. I can laugh. My God will never leave me or forsake me. You can have this as well. Ask God. He'll be there for you. He'll take you into His family... just as you are.

Pictures

Life is definitely a little harder with two girls, but sooooo much fun!!!! Keira is a VERY easy-going baby. She loves to sleep... a little too much... which makes middle of the night feedings a challenge! She has pretty blue eyes, dimples (I think), and makes the funniest faces :)

Mikaela has done surprisingly well adjusting to her new sister. She likes to kiss her, pat her head, and touch her nose and toes. Mikaela tries to mimick any noise Keira makes... burps, grunts, and cries. It seems like she's trying to understand Keira. We're trying very hard to make sure Mikaela feels loved and secure in our family, but please pray for her sweet heart!

I've been recovering very smoothly... a lot easier and faster than my first! I feel great other than being tired :) God's been good to us. We're extremely thankful!

Keira Jade

At 4:21 a.m. on March 18, 2008, we welcomed our beautiful little girl into this world.

It all started when Laura started having contractions in the afternoon, so we decided to let Mikaela spend the night with her grandma just in case we had a baby. We went to the hospital at about 7 pm, and got sent home at about 8:45. We were super bummed. However, the bumness didn't last that long. She started having contractions about 3 minutes apart at 1:30 in the morning, so we booked it to the hospital! We got there at about 2:30 and had a baby within 2 hours!!! She came out weighing 7lbs 12oz (supposedly. we think she was a little smaller than that, but whatever) and she was 20 1/2 inches long. Unfortunately, she came so quickly that Laura didn't the epidural (sp?) that she so desperately wanted. But she survived, and everyone is all healthy and awesome.

We are home and trying to figure out how to live life with 2 little girls at home. So far, it's amazing. Mikaela loves the baby. She looks at her, points, and says, "Baby." It's adorable. She also likes to kiss little Keira on the head, then say, "Good girl." She's so cute. Anyways, we appreciate your prayers and messages.

Thanks for reading!!

A glimpse into our week...

Daddy dancing with his princess to the "Cinderella" song.

Mikaela in her "big girl" bed. She is learning to sleep there instead of the crib. We're in the process of mastering naptime before moving to bedtime. So far she's done remarkably well! We're so proud :)

Stacking blocks! This is her all-time record of 14 (almost 15) blocks! Way to go Mikaela!

Me at 36 weeks :)

The Battle Within

I know most of you who read this like reading Laura's thoughts. Well today you are stuck with mine. Please give some feedback, as I really am struggling with direction in my life.

-Kevin

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done."
Matthew 16:24-27

If you were to ask the average American what does it mean to "gain the world," you would recieve an answer about money. For most people, having money is one of the most important things. Some will say, "Having money makes everything easier." Others will tell you, "Having money makes it easier to be happy." We have let the devil replace joy with money. We have let the devil put in our minds that how much money a man has determines his success in life. How sad is it that we have let ourselves be duped into thinking that life is about the magic dollar? What good is it if a man profits the world, but loses his soul? That being said, how much is enough, and how much is too much? These are questions I have been struggling with for a while now. I know that a big responsibility of mine, being the man of the house, is to provide financially for my family. But what does that really mean? By provide, does it simply mean that I have to make enough to pay the bills and that's it? The most frequent answer I get from people, is that it means I must earn enough income to fit the type of lifestyle I want for my family. I want my family to see that the most important thing in the world to me is my savior Jesus Christ, and to know that I am more than willing to give all I have for His glory. If I give everything, am I being irresponsible, or am I being to passionate about God, or am I making an excuse as to why we can't afford nice things? Why do we put ourselves and our "lifestyles" over the maker of the universe? That is something I will never understand. The problem with all this, is that I still have a family to provide for financially. I am really struggling with following my heart and gong into full-time ministry, or pursuing a job that will make enough money for me never to have to worry about the bills being paid. I want my girls to have a wonderful life, but does that have to mean that we have lots of money. It seems like all the "successfull" christians have big homes and nice cars. Why? How can they call that losing their lives for God? How is that denying yourself to take up your cross? Yet, we seem to not have a problem with "christians" who have lots of money. I spoke with my mentor the other day, who is a pastor and works oddjobs on his free time to make ends meat, and he talked about the sacrifice of the ministry. Deitrich Bonhoffer wrote a whole book on the cost of discipleship. From what I see in the Scripture, the cost of following God with everything you have is a lot less than the alternative. So what if I live in a house that has a leaky roof and a weird smell to it. If I am seeking Him with all my heart, isn't that all He wants? Isn't our whole purpose on Earth to bring glory to God? From what I see in the Bible, our sole meaning in life is to love God and love people. That's all he wants. Does that mean that we can't have money? Or that we shouldn't have money? Or that we should have just enough? What is just enough? Why can't I have more? Why do I want more? It's so that I can love me. And have the nice things that make me happy. Where in the Bible does it say anything about accruing wealth to make me happy? Everything I read says that the more money I spend on me and mine, the worse off I am. You might say, "But Kevin, isn't it once I'm in, I'm in?" Sure is. And if that's how you view God, I feel bad for you. "He will eward each person according to what he has done." If you spend your time making money for you, He will reward you accordingly. If you spend time bringing glory to His name, he will reward you beyond all you can imagine. Does this mean that we should all become priests and take a vow of poverty? I don't think so. So, I guess I'm back to square one. How much is enough? How much is too much? I just can't see being a millionaire and saying that I'm living wholeheartedly for the Lord. God, teach me Your ways! Whatever You would have me do, my answer is, "Yes Lord, walking in the way of your laws I wait for you. For Your name and Your renown are the desire of my heart."

Happy Valentine's Day my Love

You are the greatest gift God has given me!

I love you more than I thought I could possibly love someone.

You brighten my days.

You lead our family faithfully.

You are such a joy to be around.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." A.W. Tozer

I've been chewing on that for a couple weeks now and honestly I'm ashamed of the raw thoughts I've hidden deep within my heart. My view of the Creator of the world has been so casual, so simple, so not accurate. I've forgotten how HUGE and HOLY and BEYOND my understanding is our God. It doesn't matter that my mind can't fathom who God really is... all his glory and layers and power... because that just makes Him greater and more desirable. Looking at God in this light has given me more peace than I've had in a long time....

On January 31, Kevin and I were thrown a curve ball. He had his oral board interview (basically the last step before entering police academy) that day. We were beyond confident that he'd pass with flying colors. He came home devastated. There had been a discrepancy with the polygraph test prior to the interview and the board thought he was being dishonest so he was permenantely disqualified! It didn't matter whether he answered yes or no to the question, but the fact that he couldn't remember or was unsure about the answer made them question his honesty. One Officer (not a part of the board) said he was being too honest... trying too hard to answer with all sincerity. What a weird dilemna. So, where do we go from here?

Are we running from God? Are we following Jonah's footsteps and now stuck in a yucky fish? Is that why we've had so much uneasiness? Why has Kevin's pursuits of a normal/wordly job been unsuccessful?

Something clicked this week.

Kevin had been fighting the urge of becoming a junior high youth pastor for many years and for many valid reasons...fears... uncertainties. Yet, he's always been drawn to youth ministry. Working with students is one of his passions and he's VERY good at it. I've never seen anyone as gifted and fit for youth as Kevin. So through all this chaos, he's finally at a point where he can put aside the fears and start pursuing an occupation in full-time minstry. We're open to ANYTHING God has in store for us! It's funny how much more at peace I am, even though we're about to have a second daughter in 5 1/2 weeks, and we have NO IDEA where God's taking us!

BUT He is taking us somewhere... "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Mikaela Brooke Waden

I wanted to spend some time reflecting on my cute, little, almost 17 month old daughter, who we adoringly call Munch (short for Munchkin).

We are blessed to have her in our family. Her temperment is so sweet and easy-going! I believe she's had two temper-tantrums so far, and both were short-lived. Mikaela LOVES to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. Randomly throughout the day she'll run up and give me a hug and say "Ahhh". It's precious!

She loves music and has pretty good rhythm, which must come from Kevin! She'll stick out her bootie and bounce up and down... and sometimes she'll start twirling around. She's beginning to sing more often and has favorite songs :) Oh, and she LOVES Kevin's guitar!

If we could be outside all day long, Mikaela would be such a happy camper! She loves the outdoors! She asks many times throughout the day to go "bye-bye".

It's amazing how much she learns and how quickly she learns it. Her vocabulary is expanding a lot faster than I had imagined. She knows the words for ball, juice, book, mama, dada, dog, back, bye-bye, hello, amen, more, bath (except she doesn't pronounce the b, so it sounds like a bad word), banana, blue, cheese, duck... I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of them right now :) Because a lot of her words aren't clear yet, she's definitely getting more frustrated when we can't understand her! She's become my little helper :) She helps with laundry by putting clothes in the dryer and folding/matching socks. She's also pretty good at cleaning up. She enjoys putting things in baskets.

Mikaela is a goofball. She loves to laugh and make you laugh. She loves to run around and attempt to jump. She has a rocking chair that she stands on and jumps off. Her imagination is growing. She plays pretend by feeding her stuffed animals and giving them hugs and kisses. She loves her Dora tent and tunnel that she tackles. She loves to play with Kevin... probably more than anything! Oh, and she loves to color :)

Mikaela is a little giver. Everytime someone comes over she immediately finds something... anything... to give them. Even at the park she'll look for something to give... normally it's a piece of bark.

She's still a great sleeper! She goes to bed at 7:30pm and wakes up around 7:30am. During the day she has "quiet time" during the mid-morning for about an hour in her crib. And she naps from 1:30 till about 4pm. It's nice.

There's sooo much more I could write about Mikaela! She is growing like crazy and turning into such a beautiful girl. I couldn't ask for a better little Munch!

Shaken

Why is it that you can clearly see God at work in the lives of those around you, yet have a hard time pinpointing what He's doing in your own life? Why can life seem so cloudy or distracting? It's like a shaken up jar that should be clear, but it's muddy instead. My insides feel muddy.

I've come to realize how much of my identity and self-worth come from the approval of others through my involvement in ministry. Since stepping out of youth work and into the big city of Austin, everything within has been jarred. Doubts spin around in my mind. I question whether or not we made a mistake moving to Austin... maybe we misunderstood God? Maybe I don't really know when God's speaking to me rather than me speaking to me. Maybe I'm not as close to God as I thought. OR maybe I've let emotions rule my mind instead of God's Truth. Why is it so hard to take every thought captive... and actually filter out the thoughts that aren't from God?

This has been a good time of soul-searching... hard and lonely... yet good. I'm at a resting point in my journey with my King. I have finally been able to stop performing for others, because I have no audience here in Austin. I feel free to be me. I long to be more vulnerable and share my heart without fear of ridicule or judgement or disappointment. The only bad thing is I don't really know how to open up. I guess writing this is my first step.

God has been reminding me to find ALL of my worth from Him... alone... not what I do or say... but from my relationship with Him... period. He doesn't love me any more because of what I do. I'm already approved in His eyes and that's all that really matters. I desperately want to stop living with fear... in a bubble... to get the approval of my brothers and sisters in Christ. It doesn't matter what other people think! "Be the Orange!" was our saying with the 5th and 6th grade. It means to be different with a purpose. It's time for me to let go and pull down the screen that has been hidding my real heart. It's time to be free, well, to be me!

Naked Baby

So, Mikaela LOVES to be naked.

After bath time I normally let her run around in the nude. I'm not sure why this started, but she has so much fun running around without a care in the world, that I give in and let her do it. Normally her arms are raised up high in the air while she runs. It's pretty funny... until she pees. She's peed twice in her bathroom cabinet and several times on the floor.

Yesterday, Kevin went to get her after her nap and found her in somersalt position (head on the mattress while standing up) with no pants or diaper on. I guess she decided she didn't need them on anymore and tossed them out of her crib! Thank goodness she didn't have any poopies! BUT she did pee and of course that's where her head was on the mattress... that's my girl :)